Courtroom Nine came to order promptly today as the weekend busts had been plenty. Judge James Anthony Murphy III, despite his less than harmonious mood, moved quickly through the arraignments, entering not guilty pleas on the defendants' behalf before anyone had an opportunity to open their mouths.
Bail wasn't an issue. He set all bails according to the "Uniform Schedule of Bail" that had been adopted by the Joint Judicial Panel in accordance with the recommendations of the District Attorney. (Heaven forbid the Panel would have to consider the defense lawyers' pleas of "the presumption of innocence" or protestations that there was a "constitutional right to reasonable bail guaranteed by the Fifth Amendment"). When a defendant exclaimed that they had voluntarily appeared in court or had no ability to make the bail set, Murphy would stoically reply:..."take it upstairs." (to the appellate department that would likely hear the issue sometime after the defendant had already been tried). Judge Murphy's terse response was quickly followed by the bailiff's hand on the defendant's arm and a demand to "walk this way"....
Just as the last few defendants were being judicially processed, a young man, no older than 17 (an adult in this jurisdiction) who was charged with possession with intent to distribute marijuana, was called before the podium.. (Although he only had three small bags containing no more than a few grams each, the government ignorantly asserted that it was for distribution because, simply, there was more than one bag). As he stood before the court, the young man looked down at his feet, then up at the judge, then back to the floor. Finally, summoning up the courage he knew he had, he looked up at the judge and in a voice that would remind you of Pee Wee Herman spoke out: "I was never told my Miranda rights...."
"What...What... What? (each question spoken loader than its predecessor) Is that so?" Judge Murphy angrily bellowed while looking at the prosecutor.
The young man was elated by the judge's response... the judge was going to chastise the prosecution and dismiss the case! Now, rewarded, he thought he was going to let the police have it... "And the police pushed me to the ground, stood on my back, handcuffed me so my wrists bled... I know my rights judge ..I would like the case dismissed..." A grin filled his face...
No sooner had the young man finished his diatribe when Judge Murphy's cold stare turned to him... "Young man" Murphy began... "this is neither the time nor place for your wining tirade... tell your mamma if your wish..."
"This is a courtroom, not a TV show. Miranda's not an issue. You didn't make any statements son. And as for the arrest procedures, the police did a fine job...maybe next time you'll think twice before polluting our community with drugs...(cough) not guilty... Bail $10,000..." as the bailiff led the young man away...
